Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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