I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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