I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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