She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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