I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize