apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
