All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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