They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
