Who did Billy Mays play for?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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