did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize