Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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