I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
