I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize