So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
