Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
