That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
