she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
