Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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