But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
