he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
