I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
