just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
