You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
