I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You ruined the universe
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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