Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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