you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
