Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
