Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
