wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
