You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
