I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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