Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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