So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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