My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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