so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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