Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
