Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
