so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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