Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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