mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
