I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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