Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
