Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
