you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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