Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
