I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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