how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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