im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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