What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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