I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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