Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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