i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
