Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
