I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
