I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
