Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
