My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
