She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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