why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
