i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
